After Making Future Plans, They Break Up With You: Welcome to Future Faking

Three dates in, they're talking about Paris in the spring. By week four you've heard about their mother's Thanksgiving and the dog you'll get together. By week six they're gone. Future faking is when someone talks about a future with you early on to get you attached now. The plans feel like proof that they're serious, so you start giving more of your time, trust, and feelings. Then none of it happens. You are left confused, because you didn't realize that creating a future with you was never the point. The talk about it was intended to keep you invested.

It happens more than you'd think

In April 2026, the matchmaking company Tawkify surveyed 1,023 adults who were dating (Kumar, 2026). Ninety-two percent said they had been promised a future that never materialized. Fifty-five percent heard long-term talk within the first three dates, and 17% heard it before or during the first date. Peer-reviewed research shows the same pattern. In a study of 479 college students, 20% to 28% said a partner had misled them about wanting a long-term commitment (Haselton et al., 2005).

How it happens

The most common sign begins with subtle changes in verbiage. Half of Tawkify's respondents said a new partner started calling them "we" or "us" early on, as in "We should try that place" or "We'd be so good at this." Forty-seven percent heard talk about long-term commitment, such as moving in together, getting a dog, or what the two of you would be like in five years. Among Gen Z respondents, 44% heard marriage talk early in dating.

Travel comes up constantly. Forty-six percent said a new partner planned trips with them. The most promised destinations were Las Vegas, New York, Paris, Miami, and Los Angeles. The plans tend to be specific enough to feel real: the hotel they love, the restaurant they want to take you to, the month you should go.

Family is another common one. Someone tells you their mother is going to love you, or that you have to come to their cousin's wedding, or that you'll spend the holidays together. Researchers studying deception in dating have described the same set of moves: saying they'll introduce you to their family and friends and never doing it, hinting at marriage with no intention of following through, and saying "I love you" before they mean it (Haselton et al., 2005).

Love bombing often comes with it. Researchers describe love bombing as excessive communication at the start of a relationship, used to gain influence over the other person (Strutzenberg et al., 2017). It looks like constant texting, intense compliments, and wanting to spend every free moment together. Paired with talk of the future, it speeds up attachment before you've had time to know who this person is.

The ending usually comes fast and without explanation. Sixty-four percent of these connections fell apart within a month of the promise. Only 25% ended with a direct conversation, while 38% ended in ghosting or a slow fade. Afterward, 58% trusted new partners less, and one in five stopped dating for a while.

Why people do it

People admit to it. Forty percent of Tawkify's respondents said they had talked about the future before they were sure about the relationship. Research on people who report their own behavior points to two different kinds of future fakers.

The first wants you invested. Men higher in narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy report more short-term dating and more deceptive tactics, including pretending to be in love (Jonason et al., 2009). People higher in narcissism also report less commitment to their romantic relationships (Campbell & Foster, 2002). This person never intended to create a future with you. They just wanted you invested to serve their own need for conquest and admiration.

The second is avoidant. In a study of 682 adults, people who admitted to breadcrumbing, which means keeping someone hooked with just enough interest, scored higher on attachment insecurity. In the Spanish sample, the link was strongest for avoidant attachment (Khattar et al., 2023). The avoidant future faker may mean the plans when they make them, because closeness feels good while it's still imaginary. But once the relationship starts to become real, they pull away.

What to do

Pay attention to pace and action. Notice how soon the future talk starts and whether anything in the present matches it. A person who plans Paris but won't confirm Saturday has told you what you need to know. Notice, too, whether the future comes up every time you raise a concern about the present. If it does, the promise is doing the work of avoiding the conversation. Ask for something small and concrete, and see what happens.

Future faking works because the plans are built from things you already want. Someone who learns that you love to travel, that you're close to your family, or that you hope to settle down can hand those things back to you as promises. When it ends, the loss can feel far bigger than a few weeks of dating should explain, because you are grieving the trip, the holidays, and the life they described along with the person. If you've been through it, understand that is not your fault. This person was either never interested in anything long-term or couldn't follow through once it became real. Look out for the warning signs, and take care of yourself.

References

Campbell, W. K., & Foster, C. A. (2002). Narcissism and commitment in romantic relationships: An investment model analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28(4), 484–495. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167202287006

Haselton, M. G., Buss, D. M., Oubaid, V., & Angleitner, A. (2005). Sex, lies, and strategic interference: The psychology of deception between the sexes. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31(1), 3–23. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167204271303

Jonason, P. K., Li, N. P., Webster, G. D., & Schmitt, D. P. (2009). The dark triad: Facilitating a short-term mating strategy in men. European Journal of Personality, 23(1), 5–18. https://doi.org/10.1002/per.698

Khattar, V., Huete, N., & Navarro, R. (2023). Attachment insecurity and breadcrumbing engagement in young adults: A cross-sectional, cross-country study in India and Spain. BMC Psychology, 11, 356. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-023-01404-y

Kumar, C. (2026, May 8). "Future faking" in relationships: Why it happens and how to spot it. Tawkify. https://tawkify.com/blog/from-the-experts/dating-red-flags-future-faking

Strutzenberg, C., Wiersma-Mosley, J., Jozkowski, K., & Becnel, J. (2017). Love-bombing: A narcissistic approach to relationship formation. Discovery, 18(1), Article 14. https://scholarworks.uark.edu/discoverymag/vol18/iss1/14/