Forget what they say, watch what they do. Content versus process.

What you need to realize is that there's always something underneath content. It's called process. What they're actually doing by saying it.

Take this example. Someone is sharing something personal. Mid-sentence, the person across from them suddenly interrupts with "you have something between your teeth."

Is it possible that this is just a helpful heads up?

Maybe. But by pointing out something between your teeth in the middle of an important conversation, the content was designed to embarrass you, lessen your credibility, and take away your power in the room. The content is the information, the process is what the person just did.

If you know what to look for you can start catching it in real time. It is everywhere. The topic that shifts the moment something important comes up. The question that was never really a question. Watch for it. You will start to see it everywhere.

So, stop listening to just the words. Start watching the move. Once you understand what someone is actually doing, you get a much clearer picture of who and what you're actually dealing with.